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Where is it?!?

I have thought that this blog would somehow unlock the inspiration for a book.  In fact, I have started and stopped writing a book several times over the past year, and I have the worst kind of writer's block.  Actually, everything has been blocked.  I have a canvas just waiting to be painted on, and when I concentrate on what I want to paint, nothing comes.  I have meditated on book ideas, but nothing comes.  I took out my sketch pad last week, but I felt frustrated and ill-inspired the moment I drew the first line and nothing came.  Nothing is invoking any sort of creative passion.  Thus the reason my blogs have become so infrequent lately.

I don't feel like myself.  When I was a kid, I locked myself in my room writing ridiculously cheesy poems, sealing them into envelopes and writing on the envelopes the various ages I had to be to open them up and read them.  I don't know where I eventually stored those poems.  They must be somewhere in my old bedroom at my parents' house.  

I started writing in diaries when I was about the age of 4 or 5, just learning how to write.  I remember feeling that pull towards writing - you couldn't get me away from jotting down every minuscule thought I had during a day.  In high school I kept my diary in a green notebook because I was so overwhelmed and overflowing with thoughts that I couldn't NOT write it all down.  Sometimes I had so much to say (it was all so dramatic in high school) that I had to type even more stuff out on the computer, print it out and stick in in the proper chronological order in my green notebook so that no detail would ever be missed or misunderstood.  

At times it was exhausting just trying to get it all out.  There were so many details, so much to say!  I was writing everything down just in case one day I forgot everything and wanted to read what my life used to be like.  It was driven from the fear of forgetting.  If later in life I suffered from dementia or Alzheimer's disease, at least I could pick up my diaries and read through my memories.  I was looking out for myself.  I'm so thoughtful.

Anyway, I wonder how I might get the inspiration to express myself back.  I am in a bit of a holding period right now.  No job, no baby, no drama.  The fear of forgetting has vanished long ago, but that wasn't the only driving-force behind my creativity.  I had something to say - it was right on the tip of my tongue - but I never found it!  The book hasn't been written, the painting hasn't been painted, the drawing hasn't been drawn.  It's still inside of me - this thing that I needed express to whomever might want to hear it.  My New Year's resolution is to do everything in my power to find it and figure out a way to get it out already!  



( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 8th, 2013 08:30 am (UTC)

I'm no writer/artist etc, but I would think that the more you deliberately try to find your inspiration, the less you're gonna find it.

From others I've known, you've just got to carry on with your daily life and, at some point, some time, it will come back to you.
Jan. 16th, 2013 06:53 am (UTC)
I know that what you say is true. I do sometimes wonder if the inspiration will ever surface again. The days pass by, and nothing comes. What then?
Jan. 8th, 2013 04:34 pm (UTC)
Instead of writing down everything that happens in your life, maybe you should just live your life! True inspiration will come from your interactions with the world, not from the voices inside your head.
Jan. 8th, 2013 06:34 pm (UTC)
Your book
Well, I think I just read the first page of your new book. It seems to me that a good book always peaks curiosity about what comes next. Did this girl go to her parents house and secure the past writings, what did she think about it, or were they lost forever.

I wonder what would've happened if this young lady got Alzheimer's and read her old writings.

Why did she call her early poems "cheesy"? Were they really cheesy or did she discover that she was a poet at age 5?

Isn't "no job", "no baby", "no drama" the subject of curiosity. What about the development of an almost perfect marriage and how it came about. What about the battle against rheumatoid arthritis? What about the adventure of John of God and its effects or lack of affect? What about all the disciplines you practiced and their effects

What is that feeling that you have when you draw the line and the picture doesn't appear? Have you ever had that feeling before? If so, when, under what circumstances?

Every hose has a nozzle, one only has to open the nozzle to allow at least one flee to jump out of the Mason jar which will be followed by gusher. Figure that one out and your problems will be solved.

Great Photo, make a great painting.

Jan. 9th, 2013 07:35 am (UTC)
Where is it?
I heard once that "there is a book in all of us." One "great" book.
Jan. 16th, 2013 06:53 am (UTC)
Re: Where is it?
I believe that. Mine must be hidden quite deep . . . I can't seem to find it :)
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )